You Know Why
by Gnattine
Summary: Why Ichimatsu hates Karamatsu.
1. He Was My Best Friend

He was my best friend. He was my brother. He was an idiot. He was revolting.

We spent more time together than any other combination of us. We shared every single secret. We had hundreds of inside jokes between the two of us and no one else. He was my favourite. True, when we split off in pairs, Jyushimatsu went with me while Todomatsu went with him, but independent from our scheming, he and I were the closest anyone could be.

I had always loved that. I had someone who would be there for me unconditionally, love me unconditionally, help me with literally anything I needed help with, and would never leave me to be all on my own.

Well...I was right. He'll always be there for me unconditionally. He'll always love me unconditionally. He'll always help me with anything I need. He'll never abandon me.

Even though... it was... not reciprocated.

I thought it was, at the time. I thought I'd be there for him unconditionally. I thought I'd love him unconditionally. I thought I could help him with anything he needed. I thought I would never leave him to be all on his own.

But I did.

Why? Why would I betray the one person I felt completely in tune with, completely comfortable with, the one person I wanted to have by my side until the day I died?

He told me a secret.

He should've kept it to himself until the day he died.

"Ichimatsu! Come lookit! There's something in the bushes!"

"Nani, nani?"

"I don't know yet. Let's check it out!"

"Hai… Oh! Karamatsu, it's a cat! He's so cute!"

"Hm? Ichimatsu, how do you know if it's a he?"

"Eh? Oh. I just. Know? Kinda like how I know he's thirsty right now. He just woke up. Ah. Ne, Karamatsu? Do you still have that food container?"

"I do."

"Please go rinse it out in the stream over there and then fill it with water?"

"Hai! I'll be right back!"

"Hey there. My name is Ichimatsu. Do you have a name? Ah. Well, how about… Jiro?"

"Hehe, wouldn't that be me, little brother?"

"Ah. Well that's...why I picked it."

"..."

"..."

"I-Ichi...Ichimatsu… I have…. I have something I need to tell you."

"Alright. Let me give Jiro his water first though."

"Ah. Yes. Here."

"Thank you, big brother. There. We shouldn't stay too close to him till he's used to us. C'mon, let's go sit on the bench."

"Of course…"

…

…

…

…

"What did you want to to tell me, nii-san?"

"Oh! Ah...yes, it. Well. I am not sure how to. Ah. Say it but? I think… Gah. Ichimatsu… I trust you. Will you please just. Listen? And if you don't like what you hear, we can pretend it never happened. What do you say?"

"I say that makes me nervous but...whatever this secret is, I promise I won't tell anyone. What is it?"

"... I-...Ichimatsu. I've. Um… Lately. You've been on my mind a lot. And. Well… Ah! You know Totoko-chan, or rather, how you feel regarding her? All six of us agreed we all feel the same way about her. Yeah? Like… Like you wanna b-be with her...someday…"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I…"

"...?"

"I f-feel...th-the… same… I feel. Fuck. That's how I feel about you too! I… I know it's weird, and you probably won't like it, and I have tried ignoring it and stuff and I don't mean to feel like this for you but I just, it's been building up and if you don't feel the same, I can take the rejection just I don't think I can handle you hatin-"

"SHUT. The actual. FUCK. Up."

"..."

"You. What, are you in love with me?"

"..."

"Tha-...That's sick."

"..."

"That's fucking sick! That is the most vile, disgusting thing I've ever...I don't even know what to say! Oh for fuck's sake don't look at me like that! Like you deserve pity! Like you deserve anything! You're a twisted, sick FUCK! Stay the hell away from me!"

"W-wait...Wait! Please, Ichimat-"

"Don't fucking touch me you shitty fucking...Kusomatsu! **Don't** come near me!"

"I...Ichimatsu, p-pl-lease. No. I-I'm sorry! P-lease, pleas-se, I, I didn't, WAIT! No please! Ichimatsu! Come back, please! I'm sorry!"


	2. It's All My Fault

I may not know when it started, but I always knew it was wrong. I knew telling him would be a mistake, but I thought he deserved to know. I should've thought about it more. Taken his increased volatility into consideration.

I remember the day I told him. He looked so cute with that cat, so gentle. I thought, of all times, this would be the best option. He'd be less likely to beat me up.

I knew he wouldn't accept. There was no hope at all. I wasn't about to try fooling myself into thinking I had a chance. But keeping it a secret felt like I was lying to him.

It took all my courage to tell him, but didn't he deserve to know? Maybe so, but I should have considered if he would want to know.

It's too late now. He knows. He hates me.

_He named the cat second son. He named it after me. He looks so happy!_

_"I have something I need to tell you."_

_I shouldn't do this. I can still take it back. Tell him a different secret. No, he knows all my other secrets. Make one up? No, I can't lie to him._

_"Let's go sit on the bench."_

_"Of course…"_

_I sit next to him all the time. I sleep next to him every night. If I tell him, if he reacts badly, that could all end. This could be the last time. I want this to last. Last as long as possible._

_"What did you want to tell me, nii-san?"_

_All good moments end. Alright, I cando this. Just tell him. Just...ruin everything._

_No, no, I trust him. It'll be okay. I shouldn't assume he'll react badly. It'll be fine._

_"What is it?_

_Okay, things can stay normal. Maybe this could bring us closer! Hell, maybe he'll appreciate my honesty and help me get over these feelings. Maybe it won't be so bad!_

_"Yeah. Why?"_

_Okay, okay, just say it. Shit, he looks nervous. I probably look nervous too. I think I'm going to be sick._

_"I…"_

_Words keep spewing out of my mouth. Why isn't he saying anything? His face is blank, why can't I read him? What's he thinking? What am I thinking? Oh no..._

_"SHUT. The actual. FUCK. Up._

_No, no, no, no, no, no..._

_"What, are you in love with me?"_

_Oh, no, please, no…_

_"That's sick."_

_I know. I know. I know. Fuck. Oh, god, I'm gonna puke._

_"Stay the hell away from me!"_

_No! I never should have told him! Oh god, this is bad, I've never seen that look on him, that pure hatred._

_"Kusomatsu!_

_Wait! Please don't go! I'm begging you! This was all a mistake. I'm a mistake. I'm sorry..._

_I start to vomit in the bushes._

He's hated me since then. He kept his promise. He never told another soul, he never brought it up again. Things have never been the same. They never will be. I fucked up. I'm fucked up. It's all my fault.

Let me tell you a secret:

I hate me more than he possibly could.


End file.
